-Mathew C George
Over the years I have been assailed,
By doubt that prevailed.
Doubt whether this was good,
Doubt whether that was bad,
Doubt whether this was true,
Or doubt whether that was false.
But My Lord, you did recognize,
That my doubt was a sign of my need,
To know You ever more deeply.
And the Light of God thro’ the Risen Christ,
Did dawn on this day of change,
For doubt prevails no more!
On this new day of mercy,
The Risen Lord, He did come before me,
And kneel before him I did,
My fingers did touch his wounds so grave,
And my humble mouth uttered the only truth,
“My Lord and My God!”
And the Lord, in all his grace,
He showed me depths unknown,
“I am the way, the truth and the life!”
And my doubt was assuaged,
My journey so long, my path so narrow,
Yet, my life’s service ever so clear!
It was not by chance that I came and heard,
Heard and doubted, doubted and touched,
And touched and believed.
The true believer doth practice,
What belief he doth possess,
For Faith without works is dead!
Clarity such as this comes but once,
In a just lifetime of man’s.
A clear call to give freely of myself,
A higher love and more,
A clear call to travel to nations strange,
And preach the gospel of change.
I traveled further afield than my brethren,
To lands so strange,
Through travails untold,
And sufferings unmentioned,
Though my labors yielded less fruit then,
My Lord, yet my blood was shed for you alone!
My faith was stronger than my doubt,
And my faith was simply the knowledge,
That you, Master, are my Creator and my Lord,
Who molded me like your twin,
In your own image to realize;
That Faith is not the absence of doubt.
You showed me that faith is clarity,
And the will to deny you not,
In a lifetime of hard labor.
Out of my doubt was thus born clarity,
The clarity that You and only You,
Are My Lord and My God!
Mathew George is currently working as General Manager (Petrochemicals), at Indian Oil
Corporation, Mumbai, India. Mathew, a career Oil man of 32 years, is a Mechanical Engineer by training with two MBA’s in Finance and Brand Management.
Widely travelled in 49 countries, Mathew is a keen observer of nature who strongly believes that mankind is provoking nature to take revenge on them. He is a regular speaker at international conferences having spoken at over 50 of them on subjects ranging from Petroleum, Geopolitics, Petrochemicals and Information Technology. For the last four years he has been a key-note speaker at Microsoft’s prestigious, annual, “Convergence” event in USA, speaking on the subject of Customer Relationship Management using IT. A keen amateur pianist and private pilot, he is also a skilled debater.
Notes about this work:
St. Thomas the Apostle; also called The Twin is traditionally referred to as Doubting Thomas for his having doubted the resurrection of Jesus till he actually saw the Risen Christ in person and touched the stigmata of Christ to verify his death and resurrection. St. Thomas then made the most complete profession of faith in Christian Life – “My Lord and My God” which even today is considered the highest profession of the Christian Faith.
It is often said that the disbelief of Thomas has done more for the Christian faith than the faith of the other disciples. As he touches Christ and is won over to belief, every doubt is cast aside and his faith is strengthened. So the disciple who doubted, then felt Christ’s wounds, becomes a witness to the reality of the resurrection. Touching Christ, he cried out: ‘My Lord and my God.’
St. Thomas the Apostle is the patron saint of India and it is believed that he set foot near present day Kochi in the state of Kerala in India in 52 AD, preached the gospel and set up a small community of Christians who were converted from the local populace. This community, which exists even today, are known as the St. Thomas Christians and they follow different, Indianized rites and customs from other Christian denominations.
The St. Thomas Christians, who are a prosperous community well known for their business sense, tradesmanship and scholarship, remain a conservative, closed group despite their outlandish sense of humor, merrymaking skills and the ability to poke fun at themselves. As many a wag in the community is fond of saying, “When St. Thomas arrived and started preaching the gospel, he first said, ‘Jesus healed the sick’. No one was impressed. Then he said ‘Jesus raised the dead’. Still no one was impressed. Finally, at his wits end on how to evangelize this lot, St Thomas said, ‘Jesus converted water into wine’. That was all the invite the locals needed to get themselves evangelized en masse!”
This poem is a first-person contemplation set on the traditional St. Thomas Sunday (Sunday after Easter) in the city of Chennai, India where the Apostle was martyred and was first buried before his remains were translated to Edessa.